The Lydia Diaries: Trial By Secret-Fire

Entry 1:

I did it! I finally did it! I passed the housecarl test today! Da and ma would be so proud.

Hooray for Lydia!

It wasn't easy, but the hours of intense training sure paid off. To prove myself, Jarl Balgruuf the Greater had ordered me to escort and protect his court mage. As a true housecarl should, I was expected to show no emotion and obey every order that Farengar gave me without hesitation. By Shor, da and ma never told me how hard that part of the job description can be.

We first went to the stables of Whiterun where Farengar bought himself a horse. As I had expected, I didn't get one. This makes sense of course, since a true housecarl shouldn't become lazy by riding a horse. Who cares about the fact that you can lose sight of the one your protecting? Sure, he or she might get attacked by wolves, bandits, sabre cats, frost trolls, mudcrabs, ice wraiths, frostbite spiders, necromancers, bears, vampires, skeevers, spriggans, assassins or other random things. But what are the chances of that happening? At least a housecarl remains vigilant and in shape by constantly running after her (or his) liege.

It was there that Farengar told me our destination: the College of Winterhold. Apparently, he was in a desperate need of a good shave. I didn't really understood what he meant by that then, as I could just as easily point him towards a good barber in Whiterun. As any Nord woman, I'm no stranger to the razor. But like a true housecarl, I just nodded as if I understood. It wasn't until later that I found out that his sideburns give him his magical powers and that they needs recharging at the College of Winterhold once in every five years. Good thing I excel at the whole "show no emotion"-thing, or I would have bursted into a fit of giggles.

Why else wear those ridiculous sideburns?

Apart from traversing through a battle between the Imperials and the Stormcloaks - I asked Farengar if it wouldn't be wiser to walk around them, but he said that I should ignore it as he's above the petty squabbles of the little lords - everything went well. Until we reached Fort Kastav. The place was occupied with Stormcloaks and they thought we were Imperial spies! I tried to explain this wasn't the case, but they wouldn't believe us. Farengar sure didn't help by proclaiming that he should just kill them all and be done with it. I suppose I was lucky he didn't order ME to kill them all right then and there. Long story short, we were thrown into prison.

At that point, Farengar did give me an order. I was to get him out of the place, no matter what. As as true housecarl, I obeyed. I managed to open our cell with a lockpick I had hidden in my... come to think of it, where did I keep it? Anyway, we quickly found our stuff back, but I knew we wouldn't be able to get out of the place alone. Luckily for us, there were some other prisoners present. A group of wizards who were being held captive for the crime of being fans of the Green Skull, which I think is a group of Imperial bards. The leader promised us to help us escape if they could keep the fort. I saw no harm in that, so we came to an agreement.

The battle was bloody but short. I managed to kill three Stormcloaks with my famous sword-and-shield technique, before I realized those wizards had taken care of the rest. I've never heard the Green Skull play, but its fans are pretty capable in a fight. I did feel bad about destroying an entire Stormcloak base though, but Farengar didn't seem to care. We said our goodbyes to the wizards and continued on our way.

Their after-parties are to die for!

We quickly became trapped in a snowstorm after that. I just wanted to use my inner compass, but Farengar insisted he used his clairvoyance. I personally think that spell is a total waste of space. Granted, it did show us the path the Winterhold, but I'm sure the path it showed us was a detour. We also had to stop every 30 seconds because Farengar's mana had run out. But who am I to argue?

I was tired once we got to the College Winterhold (although I made sure it didn't show, like a true housecarl would) so I didn't really got a good look at the place. It was big and full of wizards. Farengar got his magical shave. What more can i say about it.

I had expected to travel back towards Whiterun together, but this wasn't the case. Farengar also needed a new Arcane Enchanter. According to him, that was the real reason I had come: so I could carry the bloody thing back to Dragonsreach. How insulting! I'm not a pack mule! If it wasn't for my training, I would have punched that hedge wizard in the face. I hope once I have my own thane to serve, he or she won't treat me like that. I don't think the oath to carry someone burdens was meant to be taken literally...

For now, I had to suck it up though. While Farengar rode off into the distance on his horse, I put the Enchanter on my back and started walking. It was heavy, but luckily I didn't come across any other troubles. I did say hello to the Greek Skull fans, who were preparing a concert to be held at Fort Kastav. They even had some cool props that looked just like real bloodied skeletons and zombies.

But I'm past all that now! Upon my return to Dragonsreach, Jarl Balgruuf immediately named me a housecarl. The official ceremony is still to come and they don't even have a Thane for me yet, but I couldn't be happier right now.

The greatest thing about this now is that I get to be inside castles and palaces, stroll around the cities and countryside and attend all sorts of parties. The idea of having a Thane doing anything else than that is preposterous!

Right? Right?!